Attack on Titan: Unedited
by ichangedthename
Summary: This will just be filled with funny (maybe offensive) stories based off of Attack on Titan. Any inside joke of the fandom will somehow be fit into these stories... so be warned. This litterally is unedited so- good luck.


Titan Strip Club

Armin was doing drugs while he was making out with Eren. This may or may not be possible- but they did it. Drugs had no side effect on Armin- except a coconut head. Levi came up behind him chugging his twentieth beer. He was clearly drunk and began pulling Eren away from Armin screaming "THIS IS WHAT THE FANS WANT!"

Meanwhile, Mikasa was doing acupuncture because of her daddy issues.

In the middle of the madness Jean and Marco were shouting just to barely make out what the other was saying. "I'M GAY!" Marco shouted. "GIRLS DON'T LIKE MY HORSE FACE!" Jean returned. "WANNA MAKE OUT?" Marco asked. "YEAH!" Jean responded. Immediately they softly smashed their faces together and made out.

Suddenly, a camera crew came in- "Addicted to Needles: My Strange Addiction" A man shouted. "START FILMING!" He continued. While the cameras were on Mikasa, Annie was in the other room getting plastic surgery for her resting bitch face. Unfortunately the surgery did nothing- which made her even bitchier.

Connie, who was supposed to be stupid was the most sane person there- well actually that's not true. He was going around trying to shave everyone's heads. He claimed he wanted the "smarticle particles" to be able to flow into the brain more efficiently- like him.

Erwin was in the corner staring at a mirror. In his right hand was a picture of Matt Smith. In his left hand he held a razor. Slowly but surely he grazed the razor over his eyebrows- he continued this until they were gone. "I NOW AM LIKE MATT SMITH! NO ONE CAN JOKE ABOUT MY EYEBROWS!" Just then Petra passed by laughing. "Erwin you look worse than before!" She exclaimed. Since then Erwin went into hiding with Matt Smith- never to be seen again.

It had been revealed that Berholdt had been the plastic surgeon who had preformed Annie'a surgery. Berholdt was attracted to Annie's bitch face and didn't want change it. He decided to go with his fetish and make her even bitchier.

Historia and Ymir were locked in a closet making out. Reiner was pounding on the door. "I CAN MAKE YOU STRAIGHT HISTORIA!" He yelled offending the small lesbian. Krista pulled away from Ymir and yelled "DUDE STOP IM GAY!" and then went back to making out with Ymir.

Sasha was sitting at the bar- since the potato incident she had started severely binge eating. Since then she had gained 600 pounds, making her an astonishing 708 pounds. Of course she had landed a spot on my 600 pound life. Since the show started she had lost a lot of weight- enough for her to sit on a bar stool without having it collapse under he weight.

Hanji still had her titan fetish- at the moment she was trying to turn the chaotic room into a titan strip club. She stuffed the titans in cages and expected that to be all the work she would have to do. After all most titans were professional nudists. Sadly while Petra was helping Hanji a titan grabbed her and threw her against a wall. Levi looked back- "Ugh thank goodness, I was waiting for that to happen- she was always trying to rape me. That's why I'm always have her the shittiest jobs." He stated while he ripped Eren off of Armin.

Marco and Jean decided it would be a good idea to get married- no they weren't drunk they just made excellent decisions. Well- they weren't drunk but one of them was- Jean. He ran around trying to find suitable clothes for a wedding until he found a tuxedo and a wedding gown. He stripped and put on the tuxedo- then he pulled the wedding gown over Marco. "There!" He exclaimed. "This is perfect!" He dragged Marco up on the stage and yelled "IS ANYONE HERE A GAY PRIEST?! WE NEED A GAY PRIEST FOR OUT GAY NEEDS!" Levi turned around. "I AM A GAY PRIEST!" He lied. "CAN YOU PREFORM OUR CEREMONY?" Jean yelled. "SURE!" Levi responded. The TLC My Strange Addiction camera crew stopped filming Mikasa and turned their cameras towards Marco and Jean. "MY STRANGE ADDICTION: ADDICTED TO BEING GAY!" A man yelled. "START FILMING!" He continued. The wedding ceremony was held and completed, but at the very last moment Annie came up on the stage...

TO BE CONTINUED

*disclaimer*

This is in no way to be offensive or anything haha- I am sorry if this did offend you though.


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